Hi, guys, gals and non-binary pals, I'm back again because I tend to have too many words in my brain and they need to go somewhere.
One of the problems with having ADHD as a writer in general – and as a me specifically – is trying to actually move a metaphorical iron in the fire to actually doing something with it instead of just letting it sit in the fire until the metal's been burnt and it's basically useless. (Occasionally it's not even a metaphor...) It's great to have lots of plans and ideas, but the struggle of actually doing something with them has plagued me my entire life. It's nice to have a name for it (executive dyfunction, undiagnosed ADHD, etc.), but that doesn't actually, y'know, help getting them over the initial hump and then to stick with it until it actually becomes A Thing You Do.
Case in point: this newsletter. It goes through long fallow periods because trying to figure out what I'm going to do with it results in me sitting there with nothing but a dial tone in my brain, and then I realize it's been months (or longer) since I did a non-automated update.
But as social media continues to resemble circles of hell, stuffed with inchoate demons we foolishly call "bots" and "agents", while billionaires finding new and increasingly fiendish ways of inserting their hand in our pockets while also standing between us and the very reason why we signed up for social media in the first place, it becomes harder and harder to actually reach people who might want to read my work. You know... people like you, you unstoppable success, you.
That's where the newsletter comes in. Not just for keeping abreast of the latest columns, but for keeping updated on upcoming events, new releases and exciting projects and even a few surprises. I'm saying all of this in part for a sort of public accountability; I'm staking this out specifically so I've got some pressure to actually use the damn thing as it's intended.
The plan, such as it is thus far, is like this: there will be three editions of the newsletter. The first is the weekly roundup of posts from the site. The second is going to be a semi-regular (precise frequency still being figured out) broadcast like this one, with ramblings, miscellaneous thoughts that don't quite fit elsewhere and things I found interesting.
The third, which is going to be the most experimental, is going to be original long-from writing and articles about love, sex, dating and relationships – the kind I haven't written in a while because YouTube burned me out hard. This is likely going to be a paid edition, and I may be mirroring it on my Patreon, so people who are already supporting me there don't have to double-dip (unless they really feel like it). I've got a few pieces banked and ready to go, and the first one will be free.
As always, this is going to be an ongoing work in progress, so the details are likely to change. But if you're willing to hang in and watch the journey, I think it'll be worth it. And if it isn't, it'll at least be an entertaining study in one man's hubris. Man plans and the gods laugh, etc. etc.
Meanwhile, the question bucket tends to get a little low this time of year, so if you've got some burning questions and need to get some top-tier dating advice, head on over to the submission page and send them in to Ask Dr. NerdLove!
Dr. Liz and I talk about how dating has changed with the rise and subsequent fall of dating apps, why meeting people in person can be a super power, why the fear of meeting people is overhyped and how many of your dating fears are being juiced up by your FYP page.
It's a great episode if I do say so myself (and I do...), so be sure to tune in and check it out.
And hey, did I mention that Do As We Say now has an official webpage? Visit us at doaswesaypod.com, where you can find our entire back catalog of episodes, in audio and video form. Do As We Say can be found on YouTube at youtube.com/@doaswesaypod, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio and anywhere you can shove podcasts into your earholes.
And hey, if you enjoy this madness, be sure to subscribe, leave a review and tell your friends.
From The Archives:
I hear it over and over again in the letters I get from readers. I see it in complaints people leave on dating advice subreddits, in discussions about online dating… men insisting over and over again that society has so devalued male sexuality and masculine attractiveness that they feel functionally invisible.
It’s tempting to disregard these complaints – the idea that male sexuality is worth less than female sexuality when you take even the most cursory look at society. The western world is a literal celebration of (cisgendered, heterosexual) masculine sexual desire. Almost everywhere you look, heterosexual men – and their penises – are being catered to, with women being served up over and over again for masculine gratification. Appealing to male sexual desire is the go-to marketing technique when Madison Avenue wants to put a product in men’s hands – even when the sexualization of the product makes no goddamn sense.
I'm going to re-up this from the last time a proper newsletter went out, since I'm making more changes to the store and bringing some new products onboard.... I've been making a number of changes and adjustments to the blog – cleaning out a lot of the dead weight, fine-tuning the code (all hand-crafted, thank you very much) and implementing some new features that I've wanted to add for a while now... including the Dr. NerdLove store.
If you want my advice to go, but you don't want to throw money at certain large South American rivers, you can support me and the site by getting my books, workbooks and courses directly from me! All books come in the ePub format, so they'll be compatible with all your favorite e-readers. And of course, buying them directly from me helps immensely since it means there're fewer hands taking a cut first.
(New Game Plus is an exception, since that one is published through Thought Catalog.)
There are some new workbooks that are going to be going up soon, too, so be sure to check here for all the latest updates.
Random Open Tabs
What I'm reading: I'm tempted to kick the beehive of "do audiobooks count as 'reading'?" for shits and grins (spoiler alert: yes they do) by talking about the Dungeon Crawler Carl audiobooks, which I've been mainlining like a feed. Even if you're up to date on the books, the DCC audiobooks are like an entirely different experience and I can't recommend them enough. But if you, like me, are all caught up on Carl's current misadventures and you're looking for another good read, might I recommend giving He Who Fights With Monsters a try? When an attempt to summon the all-consuming Apocalypse Beast goes awry, Jason Asano suddenly finds himself dropped (quite literally) into another world, butt naked and surrounded by magic-wielding cultists with a penchant for human sacrifice. After some brief adjustment and rookie mistakes, Jason recognizes this as an opportunity to be the Main Character he was always meant to be... along with teaching the ignorant about the glory that is Airwolf and the original Knight Rider. ...and making many, many jokes about Clive's unfaithful wife. If you enjoy DCC's litRPG shenanigans, this is another good one to check out. (Affiliate link).
What I'm Watching: It shouldn't be that much of a surprise, considering that I rock a custom Green Lantern ring, that I'm digging the hell out of Lanterns on HBO Max. You wouldn't think that super heroics would mesh with a vibe that's far more True Detective than Heroes or Peacemaker, but goddamn it does. Aaron Pierre is absolutely killing it as John Stewart and his chemistry with Kyle Chandler's over-the-hill-and-refuses-to-accept-it Hal Jordan is precisely as explosive as it should be between two dudes who may understand and respect one another... but they sure as hell don't like each other.
"God I can't wait until you die trying to resurrect the sun."
My only complaint is that I really wish there were more ring-slinging. But then again, part of what makes Lanterns work is that the grounded nature of the show means the superheroics really stand out as weird, unsettling and alien when they happen.
What I'm Listening To: I already mentioned the DCC audiobooks, so instead I'll shout out Hello Crawlers, a DCC podcast run my my friends and LEOG alums Martin Thomas, John Rubio and Grant Davis. It's a fun time and they also have some amazing merch that John and Martin both design themselves. Go give them a listen and tell them the Doc sent you.
Doctor's Notes News, Updates and Random Open Tabs What's Up, Doc? Welcome to my favorite time of the year. Despite the Super El Niño trying it's damndest to make everything unseasonable, fall is finally here with it's cooler days, long cozy nights, a hint of crispness in the wind and the festive spookiness of Halloween. It's actually nice to be able to enjoy some coffee out on the porch in the crepuscular hours, watching the sun slowly break over the horizon and listen to the city wake up......
Doctor's Notes News, Updates and Random Open Tabs It's been a quiet couple of weeks at NerdLove Industries, without much in the way of news to report. So let's leap straight into it: For The Love Of God, Your Date Isn't "Testing" You As part of my overall gig as a dating coach and advice columnist, I read a number of subreddits about dating and relationships as a way of seeing what’s in the zeitgeist and what issues come up regularly and how people respond to those issues. This habit may be...
Doctor's Notes News, Updates and Random Open Tabs Normally I'd open with some form of "what's going on, NerdLovers?", but we've just lived through what seems like it was going to be the opening bars of WWIII but ended up being yet another round of TACO Tuesday. Weirdly, being Gen X helps; I grew up in the shadow of nuclear armageddon for the first 20 years of my life so I'm kinda used to it at this point. Which is something of a horrifying thing to say, but hey, gotta embrace whatever...
